The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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