I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
