OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
