dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize