why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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