I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
