he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
