I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
