Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
