I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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