i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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