I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
