You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This girl is more easily done than said...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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