So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
