I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
