oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
