Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
