just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
