Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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