I could have mohawked her pubes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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