I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my liver is dry heaving
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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