Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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