It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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