I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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