So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
