i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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