Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
