It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
