Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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