I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
