just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
