sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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