Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
