He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
