omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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