remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do vagina's smell?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
