Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
