All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
