my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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