OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
