We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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