can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
