yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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