I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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