You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
