It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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