i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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