please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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