I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
