Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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