Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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