my vag is so smooth its legendary
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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