You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
