I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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