i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
bring money and cleavage
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
