3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
