i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
