i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
