there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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