Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
