Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
