I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
