Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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