i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
