You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize