hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
