Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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