Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
