Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
