I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
