The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
