Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
