maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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