3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
