shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize