he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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