Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
