he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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