just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
