I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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