but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
do nipples grow back?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
