Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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