I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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