I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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