I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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