if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
