i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
