Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
then he tried to convert me to islam
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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