Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
