Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
