I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
