dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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