If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
