cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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