we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
