hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
