The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Randomize
