i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
