You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
