it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
