I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How naked do you want me to be?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
