Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
