Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
