She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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