that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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