who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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