he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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