i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize