Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
