Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
